Self Care Sundays: What Exactly Does Self Care Mean To You?

When you think of the words ‘self-care’ what exactly comes to mind? My immediate thoughts are a lush bath bomb and some Aztec clay masks that will rebuke all the sins in my pores. The next person might think self-care is drinking a whole bottle of wine and watching every show Disney+ (which I need to get) has to offer, and another might think self-care is cutting off all negative energy and protecting their chi. Here’s the thing, not a single one of these answers is wrong. According to the Oxford dictionary ( I know, ya girl fancy) self-care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.

Self-care is taking care of ourselves, emotionally, mentally, physically and most importantly psychologically. However, the part that seems to get the most attention is physical. While there is nothing wrong with turning off your phone and booking a shiatsu massage, what makes that any different than spoiling yourself? Putting on a face mask and painting your toes is not going to stop your life issues. It will not prevent the ever-present anxiety that causes the fear that trickles down your neck from occurring but it’s worth a try, right? Face masks won’t solve your problems no matter how many of them you do and I should know because I live for beauty. I mean as we speak I’m drinking a glass of wine with a $2 sheet mask propped up on my face. (MoMa is kicking my ass y’all. Someone save me) However, this Bestfren (W 32 and 6th) face mask and $10 wine will not bring me inner peace after a week full of customer service so what does it for you?

Mindful Meditation, Bubble Baths or even obsessively organizing your life and lighting a candle to make you feel like your life is put together; (come on we all do it) are some of the ways that we self-care but do we focus too much on the outside. After a bubble bath sure you feel relaxed and the wine definitely might have a larger part in that than you’d like to admit but did you take any measures to ” preserve or improve” your health? and that is the question I need some answers to. What do you qualify as self-care? We took the question to Instagram and these were some of the answers we got:

“Taking a moment to remember yourself and pamper yourself” -instagramless Jenn

“Putting yourself first for once” -mikey_mikes

“Making time to tend my needs before anything else”- drew.lina

Me personally, after a Free Friday at work my version of self-care is turning off my phone and locking myself in my room with a bottle of wine. Is this really self care? no, but…

Many people look at self-care to be taking care of yourself outwardly and yes that is 100% a part of self-care so don’t let anyone make you feel bad for booking that hot stone massage. However, there is more to it than just outward appearances, just because you look fine doesn’t mean that you are fine, no lush bubble bar can fix the turmoil that is within. Whether it be meditation, working out, seeing a therapist, or even a good old fashion cry sesh when you’re doing your little “Self-Care Sunday” post 1. make sure you’re actually doing self-care and not taking a fire flick for the gram and 2. partake in some self-care that is good for within. I find it strange that most people look at self -as just “TREAT YO SELF” in exactly the sense it sounds.

Is the importance of self-care being diminished because millennials are only seeing it as a bath bomb and wine or a rooftop yoga brunch? or is it that we feel like we don’t deserve self-care and this is the most that we can do without feeling guilty? Personally, I find it a little hard to have any kind of mindfulness because I’m always thinking. If it’s not my anxiety having me second guess everything in my life I’m worried about the next bill to pay or what time I gotta get to work; just always worried about the next thing. Maybe it’s the typical Capricorn in me or the generational curses I intend to break but I know that if at 22 I have all these major stresses in life all my mid-twenties through early thirties millennials’ must be dying.

Let’s get a scenario going: You work in a really busy and mentally draining environment. You woke up this morning for another day at this job that is basically pulling at your life force but today you just can’t. Maybe its the weather,it’s your period, or hey possibly you’re hungover from a night out. Regardless you are drained and stressed and you know that you mentally cannot handle being in that environment today. Would you call out? Personally… I’ve been in jobs where the answer is no. I am the master of going to work sick as hell, during a depression episode, on like 3 hours of sleep, you name it I’ve probably done it and honestly that is not okay. As crazy as some of you may think I am to have lived this way I am not the only one…I mean we’ve all witnessed “the train is delayed because of a sick passenger at ________ street”. Sometimes it takes being sick for people to take a day off even when they know they may need more but as millennial’s, we have this issue where we feel like we HAVE to go to work or we NEED to do that presentation today but guess what? if something happened to you, your company wouldn’t think twice to replace you. As emotionally mentally and psychologically invested you are into that environment it won’t matter at all when you’re dead. so please if you need one, take a mental health day; whether you spend that day getting box braids, sipping on Sauvignon Blanc in a hotel or mindful meditation at home take the time to be about you and your well-being.

Self-Care for me used to mean spending my Sundays immersed in the most luxurious bubble bath of my life while my phone is on DND. I’d do some yoga or go into child’s pose and relax for a few. If my day was long enough I would even read a book and lets never forget putting on a face mask. Once life started to kick my ass and I began to look how I felt sure I continued to do face masks when i got the chance and some of my closest friends will tell you I sleep in them but my self-care days which were no longer reserved for Sundays became one of my two days off or even mindful meditation podcasts during my hour and a half ride to work. I book therapy sessions and even if nothing is wrong it’s fine to see someone just to talk to, talking can help in ways you can’t even imagine. When I’m not at therapy or listening to podcasts I do end at least one night a week in a soak with wine or some eggnog because ‘Tis the season and ofc our favorite best fren face mask. If self-care isn’t important to you will you at least try to make it a thing for this upcoming year? and remember that everyone deserves a mental health day.