I am pretty much the first person to put others before me. Seriously, its a thing. It doesn’t help that my Mom is celebrating a milestone birthday tomorrow, and we had to cancel our oversees trip because of COVID. (I have been running around like a headless chicken to make sure everything goes well.) Over time, I have learned that it’s true: no one is going to have you like you. So, why not think about putting yourself first for a change? For people-pleasers like myself, (admitting is the first step, right?) this is practically impossible to hear. Myself? Why? However, this is an important thing for you to learn, not only just because you matter, but for your mental health as well. Yup, you got it right, this is another #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth Post.

Now, I can totally say this is hypocritical of me. I have a major issue with putting myself before others. I passed up my dream University to stay close for my mom, I haven’t moved out for my dad, etc. I put anyone important to me before myself, and while some may call those selfless actions, it does have its flaws. This week, for example, I have been putting my mother’s milestone birthday ahead of myself, and trust me I’ve had a hectic week. Between planning a surprise brunch, being a good daughter/sister, being a great friend, and possibly having tetanus, I started to question where in the equation did having time for myself fit? For me, this is something that tends to happen quite often, I’ll put the world ahead of my needs even when mine are equally important. However, I have learned 5 baby steps you can take to putting yourself first.

Step 1: Learn to say ‘No’

My family likes to joke that I do not know how to say no, and in an enabling situation, this is great. You know when it’s not? When you have a post due at 12 am but agreed to write a 5-page paper for your sister that’s also due at 12 am. While it may feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, you don’t. Give some of that pressure to the next person. Do not wear yourself thin trying to please everyone or do everything at once. If like me, you have an issue with saying no, give it a try. This is not something that happens overnight. I still say yes to way too many things, but NO is slowly becoming one of my favorite words.

Step 2: Do Not Waste Your Energy On People Who Do NOT Deserve it

Have you heard of the term Energy Vampire? It’s a term used by people in the spiritual community. Essentially, it is someone who comes around you and sucks all the energy out of you. Before you say you don’t have one of those, think about it. That one friend you come around excited to see, but after a conversation with them, you feel dull and lifeless. Meanwhile, they’re jumping off the walls and exuding happy energy…Yeah, that friend. So, there is a podcast episode I love to listen to about what to do about Energy Vampires, and I suggest everyone gives it a listen. If podcasts aren’t for you, here is what you need to know. It is important to be a good friend, yes, BUT do not let being a good friend make you feel super shitty all the time. Refer to step 1 and be selective with who you give your energy out to. Remember, Mind, Body, Soul.

Step 3: Create A Block of Time Just For You.

This is something I do with my business, I put an hour a day away where I turn off everything and work on my side business. However, this is also a great technique to apply to your day to day life. For one hour a day, or more, put your phone on DND, unplug, and focus on yourself. Watch that show you’ve been waiting on, read that chapter of the book, drink some tea, and just be alone with your thoughts. No matter what you decide to do, this time is dedicated to you. I love this for everyone because even if you’re a people-pleaser like me if you actually follow this, you’ll have a respected time for yourself. It might be kind of important to tell your family and friends so they’re not freaked out about why they can’t reach you, but it’s all totally up to you.

Step 4: Watch How You Speak To Yourself

Growing up, people always tell you to watch how you speak to others. This is especially true for me because I come off aggressively sarcastic, AGGRESSIVELY. There is one thing your parents never teach you, it’s watching how you speak to yourself. Sure,” sticks and stones may break my bones, but words may never hurt me” but clearly, the person who made that never went to High School. We tend to be a little harsher with ourselves and a lot more critical than we would like to admit, and that is a problem. Practice speaking to yourself more kindly because your words hold power. Start by saying a positive affirmation to yourself in the mirror in the morning, don’t worry, you don’t look as stupid as you feel. Next, write little notes for yourself in places you frequent. No, not the coffee shop, but your bathroom cabinet will do. You would never want to put someone else down, so why do it to yourself?

Step 5: Say Yes…To Yourself

Okay, I know you’re reading this like “Brianna, you just told me to say no, figure it out!” and you’re absolutely right. Say NO to others, but always YES to yourself. Listen to your body, when she really wants something, she’ll tell you in the subtlest of ways. If your body is feeling heavy or weak, it’s telling you that you need to rest. SAY YES, and rest. If there is something you really want to do, what are you waiting for? DO IT (unless it’s like going outside. Stay home and flatten the curve please, I miss brunch.) Remember that you are just as important as the people you tend to put before yourself.

Your mental health is attached to your physical well-being. Yes, it might not make sense to you right now, but everyone has triggers. These little things that may cause all of those feelings to come rushing back in. Therefore, it is super important to take care of yourself: body, mind, and spirit. In my book, that is called making yourself a priority. I’m not saying that you should ignore everyone and become narcissistic. Go practice self-love and remember to put yourself before others sometimes. I promise the world won’t end.

That’s the Quaran-TEA,

Bri.